wrigley field is MILF paradise
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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