just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
