My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
