i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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