I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
