i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
