Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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