She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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