We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
