I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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