Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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