I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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