I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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