i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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