Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
