The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
