Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
