My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
