do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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