I feel like abortions should bother me more
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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