How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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