not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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