weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it wasn't lemon gatorade
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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