We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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