I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize