If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
