last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
