thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
