Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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