Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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