I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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