We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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