From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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