when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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