do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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