but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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