scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
