If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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