I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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