this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
