i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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