I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
