I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
