lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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