I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
