well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
