you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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