Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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