Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
