In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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