i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
