Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize