I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
