i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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