I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
