She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
