me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
