I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
