I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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