I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
