i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
