Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
