After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
